Chief Executive Officer/ Founding Member
Richard has an extensive background in Admissions, Facility Operations, and Clinical outreach. He has developed robust networks of relationship with therapists, hospitals, physicians, treatment centers, and other community resources to provide them with access to behavioral healthcare. Richard has also operated as the CEO of several different treatment facilities over the course of his career.
Richard is passionate about ensuring the client finds the best fit for their treatment needs. His focus is on maintaining relationships with quality providers across the country, so that he can help whoever he comes across get the help they truly need. Equally, Richard focuses on ensuring the treatment provided at Legacy Recovery Center is of the highest quality, and that the team is doing all they can to serve those who come to Legacy Recovery Center for care.
Richard finds his work extremely rewarding, but his biggest joy is his family and helping his wife raise their child.
You hear the news, your heart sinks, and your mind goes blank. Your best friend died young of cancer. What to say to them? It’s so hard to know. Certainly there is no perfect phrase to erase pain. The goal instead is to express compassionate presence.
Offering compassion after a loss is mostly about presence, sincerity, and keeping things simple. It’s less about the words and more about heartfelt connection. In this article, I provide some guidance and phrases to help you support someone in grief, including what not to say.
3 Guiding Thoughts
Consider these ideas to prepare yourself:
- The Goal is Connection: Your role is not to solve their pain but to bear witness to what they are feeling. Don’t explain, minimize, or cheer them up.
- Listening Is Powerful: Attentive silence, coupled with “I’m here” is sufficient.
- Share Your Own Discomfort: It’s okay to be unsure. Sometimes, naming it can be authentic: “I don’t even know what to say, but I am so glad you told me.”
What TO Say: Phrases that Offer Comfort and Presence
Simple Heartfelt Acknowledgments
Often, short, plain statements are the most genuine. These are low-risk, high-impact things you could say [1] [2] [3]:
- “I am so sorry for your loss.”
- “My heart is with you and your family.”
- “I am thinking of you.”
- “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I care about you very much.”
If you knew the person who died, you can also say:
- “They were such a wonderful person.”
- “I will really miss them.”
Expressing Specific Care
Moving beyond cliches, offering care is appropriate:
- “I am so sorry to hear about [Name]. I will always remember their [genuine, specific quality… laugh, kindness, love for gardening].”
- “This must be so incredibly hard for you.”
- “Thank you for sharing that memory with me. They sound like an amazing person.”
Acknowledging their pain
Naming the difficulty of what they are going through can be very validating.
- “This must be so painful for you.”
- “There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now.”
- “Whatever you’re feeling is completely understandable.”
Offering Practical, No-Pressure Support
Grief often makes it hard to ask for help, so specific offers are kinder than vague ones.
- “I’m going to the grocery store tomorrow. Can I bring you a few things?”
- “I’m here to listen anytime you want to talk. No need to reply.”
- “Can I take [a specific task] off your plate this week?”
- “I’m going to drop off dinner on Thursday. If that doesn’t work, tell me another day.”
- “Can I take the kids to the park this weekend so you can rest?”
- “I’ll check in with you again next week.”
- If you are unsure what to offer, you can say, “I really want to support you. Would meals, childcare, or rides be most helpful this week?”
Validating Their Unique Grief
Use permission-giving phrases:
- “Whatever you’re feeling is completely okay.”
- “There is no timeline for this. Please be gentle with yourself.”
- “Grief isn’t linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s normal.”
Sharing memories
Memories can be deeply comforting because they honor the person’s life rather than focusing only on their death. Keep it brief and sensitive, and stop if the person seems overwhelmed or changes the subject.
- “One of my favorite memories of them is…”
- “They made such an impact on me when…”
- “I’ll always remember how they…”
When there are no words
Sometimes the most compassionate thing is to name the wordlessness and just stay present. Silence, a gentle touch (if welcome), or simply showing up with a text or card that says “Thinking of you and here if you need anything” can speak volumes.
- “I don’t have the right words; I just want you to know I’m here.”
- “This is so hard. I’m just going to sit with you.”
What NOT to Say: Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Certain well-intentioned phrases can be harmful [4]:
Minimizing or “At Least”-ing the Loss
Avoid: the following phrases as they invalidate the present pain:
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “At least you have other children.”
- “At least they’re no longer suffering.”
- “At least they’re in a better place.”
Offering Unsolicited Advice or Silver Linings
Avoid:
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “God needed another angel.”
- “You’ll find love again.”
- “You should try to stay busy.”
Making It About You
Don’t shift the focus to you, even if you’ve experienced loss. Each grief is unique. Avoid:
- “I know how you feel.” Instead, try: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I am here.”
The Power of Actions
- Show Up: Participate in the funeral or celebration of life service if possible. Send a card with a personal memory months later.
- Follow Up: Grief is often most acute after the initial flurry of support fades. A text or call later with: “Thinking of you and [Name] today” may be appreciated.
- Offer Other Kinds of Comfort: A hug (if welcome), a prepared meal, a walk together in silence can go a long way.
When Grief, Depression or Substance Use Risk Are Involved
When grief becomes entwined with clinical depression or the risk of substance use, the natural process of mourning is derailed, creating a complex and possibly dangerous mental health crisis.
What begins as profound sadness can transition into complicated grief, a state of deepened pain that prevents healing. The symptoms of major depression such as pervasive hopelessness, an inability to feel pleasure, and profound fatigue can mask the grief affecting the person’s resilience.
To dull pain, some may turn to alcohol or drugs. This coping strategy offers only a temporary escape. This can lead to or worsen a substance use disorder, burying the original grief and creating a destructive cycle that prevents recovery from both the loss and the substance dependency.
What to Expect: When Grief Needs Professional Help
This is a signal that professional support is needed. Licensed therapists can help work through normal grief and address the clinical depression. By providing evidence-based treatments, and offering strategies to process loss without self-medication they can help the recovery process. A compassionate therapist can guide the individual toward a path of integrated healing, resolved grief, and renewed stability.
Integrated Mental Health & Grief Support at Legacy Recovery Center
Legacy Recovery Center is a highly rated, premier addiction and mental health treatment center in Arizona. Legacy is owned and operated by two psychiatrists with over 40 years of combined experience, as well as a robust therapeutic team.
We’re unique among residential treatment centers thanks to our ability to help people suffering from mental health and/or substance abuse issues. Our expert psychiatric team is equipped to treat multiple issues concurrently, focusing on your specific needs.
Sources
[1] The Lens of Jen. nd. What to Say When Someone Dies (and What Not to Say).
[2] Carol Ricks Bowman. nd. What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving.
[3] Grief.com. nd. The 10 Best and 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief.
[4] Speaking Grief Resources. Supporting Grief.
